Jumbled thoughts

I started working out again, and anytime I run, do squats, whatever, I end up thinking.  Using my brain.  I feel like I have so many things I want to say, and then I get home, or get a chance to sit down, and I forget them all.  But here are a few:

I was reading a blog the other day of a woman that has four girls, and she summed my struggle up perfectly with my girls:

"why would I have 4 girls? I needed to have boys. Boys I could push to be the best, to become whatever they would like to be. Instead, I talk to my girls about picking a career that can possibly be flexible with a family later on. It hurts my heart to even say it....be awesome, but not TOO awesome because that might prevent you from staying home and raising your kids. Yuck."

So true.  Payton tells me all the time she wants to be a pilot and fly all over the world, and I just say, "uh huh."  I hope she doesn't think I don't support her, but I feel like I can't be too supportive because I DON'T want her to be a pilot.  Let her husband do it!  But, who can say that?  I would be thrown in on MSNBC as a woman hater.  She is only six, so I guess I really should worry to hard. 

The other thing on my mind lately is my likes and wants.  I really like to work out.  Sometimes.  I really like to have a clean house, and I actually enjoy cleaning.  I really like to stay home with my kids and I actually like hanging out with them.  If I can work out, clean a bathroom, and hang out with my kids, my day feels perfectly complete. But, lately I have been feeling guilty for feeling those feelings.  Only because of other people.
  For example from a friend: "How can you work out?  I have no time to work out, you make me feel so bad that you do it and I don't."  Like I am working out to make you feel bad?  Same for my house.  I was once called the Organized mom.  People would introduce me as "this is Holly. You should see her house.  It is so organized, you would die.  You will hate her."   Like I keep my house clean and organized just to make you hate me?  And the last killer is when I say that I like to have all of my kids home.  People just don't believe me.  They think I am lying.  Or they think I say that just to make them feel bad for wanting their kids to be in school.  Ugh.  Just typing this out makes me mad.  I don't do ANY of that for anyone.  I couldn't care less if YOUR house is clean, or if you like to work out.  I do what I like to do for ME.  No one else.  And I think people should do the same.  Anyway, can you tell it bothers me?

But I feel a TON better getting that out.  I just wish moms would quit comparing themselves to other moms.  There are plenty of things that other moms do that I think would be cool to do, but I know it doesn't fit with how I work, so I move on.  And I focus on me and making me the best person i can be for my kids.  They are the only ones that I want to judge me.